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BB9 Blog: The Secret Lives Of Guinea Pigs

Big Brother 9, Week 2, Episode 2

 Complete 'Big Brother' News

LOS ANGELES (CBS) ― Greetings, BBophiles! Did you, or did you not, absolutely LOVE our visit with Evil Dick? Believe me when I tell you, everything you thought after viewing him on Season 8 -- it's all true. He (and his random flatulence) is larger than life.

But let's get on with the current action of BB9!

So Ryan and Allison, and Jen and Parker are on the block. It was really no surprise that these two dynamic duos would be nominated. The Ryan/Jen real relationship factor would annoy anyone. And don't you think that Ryan must be one seriously NICE guy for not being more annoyed that Jen let that cat out of the bag SO early. Can you imagine if they'd actually been able to keep the secret, say, longer than a week?

Anyway, Parker, who always comes up with a great quote in a clinch, starts us off with yet another bang. When speaking of Jen, "she's an idiot and I have to suffer because of her ignorance."

Jen has made it abundantly clear that if someone has to go, it's her sweetie Ryan. "I have to look out for myself. I have to be selfish."

But Ryan promises teammate Allison that he's in it to win it, regardless of his girlfriend's potentially hurt feelings. We'll see. Something tells me that Ryan isn't as big a fighter as the women in his life would like him to be. (Jen OR Allison)

We can see clearly now that Parker has decided Jen is a big loudmouth dummy, so he's moved on to yet another. Girl, not loud-mouthed dummy. Well, maybe.

Parker has an admitted crush on Amanda. They have chemistry and Amanda feels the same. Of course last week, she felt chemistry with Alex. (Either that or she just felt his hands all over her.) Ah, the "show-mance," (thanks, Will!) Such a fickle thing.

Wait. Something major just happened. Neil is gone. Vamoose. Poof. There's Joshuah being told he has to pick a new partner from last week's castoffs -- Sharon and Jacob -- and he chooses Sharon to be his new Neil. What's going on?? Where did Neil go? Did this not seem awfully abrupt to anyone else?

Um.. welcome back, Sharon!?!?

Now it's time to tell Sharon what they've learned so far. The topic at hand, the treachery that was Jen/Ryan's lie about their relationship. Sharon is not pleased.
Sharon: "She sat there and lied to my face while her boyfriend is in the house. It pisses me off. I can forgive you, but I won't forget."

NEWSFLASH! Amanda needs a back-rub! NOW!

Her first pick to give her a rub down is Alex, soul mate and bed mate. But, "He's been mean to me."
Alex: "I get frustrated with her because she flaunts her stuff."

Parker steps up to the plate to give Amanda her massage. Oh, that Parker. "He's a great person. He has a bad attitude sometimes which is kind of sexy," Amanda says.

Alex comes in to find Amanda giving a massage to Parker. "I'm going to bed...Well, you're gonna finish your job on him." Ouch! Very subtle. Though Alex continues to protest that he honesty does like her and just doesn't want to see her flirting with others get in the way of her paying attention to the game. Riiight.

In an even more lip-servicey room of the house, now that Jen and Ryan have been outed, they can't stop being all over each other. It's getting bad. They can't take much more of it. They decide to have sex.

But don't worry! Ryan says, "It'll only be like 20 seconds." Oh phew. The BB editors needed a break, I'm sure.

They sneak into the bathroom to have sex, but are basically caught by Parker. He's not so much annoyed that they had sex. "It was just a little disturbing because I know she's gotta get her funky ass back in the bed with me."  That's fair.

Outside, no one is having sex. But Chelsia is telling Crazy James about the "lesbians." Sheila and Allison confided further to Chelsia, making up that they are not only lesbians, but they are married and have an adopted son.

Crazy James decides that not only does that lesbian thing seem to make sense, but there must be another twist somewhere.

He begins his BB walkabout and eventually stumbles on the guinea pig house. In it, he sees a set of four interlocking, multi-colored bars. And then it hits him! Those four bars must mean there are FOUR twists! The two first having been outed, all that's left now is the lesbian twist and one more unknown.

He shares his epiphany with Alex. Poor, paranoid Alex immediately decides that Parker and Amanda must be in a secret relationship. Didn't you know that, ladies? If you don't like a guy, but like another guy nearby, you must be in a secret relationship with that one. That's the ONLY logical explanation for your rejection of guy #1.

Eventually, Alex tells Parker and Amanda that James told him there was another twist. even though poor Crazy-Ephiphany-James never said it was Parker and Amanda.

But Parker, who does love a good fight, confronts James and they start shouting. Parker: "Obviously we have psychics in the house now. Where's f-----g Miss Cleo when you need her."

(Does this guy have his own writer?)

But now Amanda has her own epiphany. "When Alex started this whole thing, I knew he had started it out of jealousy. Alex is mean to me. My soul mate wouldn't disrespect me."

That night, in the coldest bed in BB history, Alex pesters Amanda. "Do you like Parker? Do you LIKE Parker?" He goes on to whine about their lack of cuddling, criticizes her clothing, and caps it by calling her a slut.

(From Big Brother to an old episode of Beverly Hills: 90210 in record time!)

But here's something the gang at the Peach Pit never had -- Veto Competitions! (Otherwise, Valerie wouldn't have stood a chance! Yeah, I'm digressing a bit.)

Natalie and Matt get picked to play in the veto competition. Parker and Jen, and Ryan and Allison both know they have to fight for their survival.

This competition has been designed to make at least one person barf up their slop everywhere. One member of the couple must be strapped to a wheel and spun by the other member. The couple who makes it to 300 rotations first, wins.

Allison and Ryan get knocked out pretty quickly.

Next go Amanda and Alex. Although, as we learn, Amanda threw the competition on purpose. That's what you get for calling out her booty shorts, Alex!

Matt and Natalie end up winning the competition, and Parker couldn't be happier because Matt has told him that he will take him and Jen off the block. "You're all set, you know, you're off, man. I just gotta talk it over with the wifey. (Natalie) You know, husband wants season tickets, wifey wants ballet tickets." Something tells me that Natalie is more of a mud-wrestling kinda girl than ballet.

And now Alex makes one more charming attempt to make Amanda love him and only him. He tells her if the two of them aren't going to be physical together, they shouldn't be physical with anyone in the house. Amanda gets mad and goes downstairs to complain to Chelsia and Parker about Alex's creepiness. Meanwhile, he watches from above on the HOH stalker-cam.

Finally, the veto. And it's a shocker. Double-crosser Matt did not take Parker/Jen off the block. He and Natalie left the veto nominations the same -- Jen and Parker, and Allison and Ryan.

So we end, yet again, with Parker (looking furious):  "This game blows. I don't really care. Whatever."

Well! Certainly a lot going on. Me, I'm still wondering where Neil went. Is he with Jacob in sequester or is he really gone for good? Has Amanda left Alex broken-hearted, or will she shake those booty shorts his way again? And who's going home on Wednesday night?? Come back then and we'll discuss!

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